– Yogi Bhajan, Excerpts from KRI Level 2 Conscious Communication Manual
Do you know what real communication is? Real communication is when after uttering, saying, or communicating, you stand fully one hundred percent by whatever you said. Real communication does not give you any right to change it afterwards, no matter what. Anything which is not real is a lie. It is not whether it is right or wrong, good or bad, or moral or ethical. Person A talks to person B and between A and B, the talk is real. Then A and B are bound down to put their totality in it until infinity.
You should not say anything that you cannot put your totality behind. The total value of you is that whatever you say, you stick with it. When you don’t stick with what you say, you have no value, and your decoration and your jewelry and your sex and your person have no value. Real communication is the faculty of a human that whatever you say, you stick with it.
Why Talk?
Communication is very misunderstood by all human beings. When you are angry, when you are emotional, when you are hurt, when you are insecure, and when you are in your ego trip, you feel like you have to talk, and that is where you mess up. Remember, when you talk, it is for the future. lt is not for the past and it is never for the present. Communication is the art to build heavens in the future and people who do not have it do not have any future, no matter what religion or country or nation they belong to.
Communication is not for emotions and feelings. Not for the weather, either. Communication is an art through which you can clean the garbage in your life. Mostly you talk to get rid of anger, get rid of frustration, and get rid of inferiority/superiority complex. These three things make you talk. Mostly people talk because of the inferiority-superiority complex. Minus these things you don’t like to talk at all. You talk to get a feeling, because of curiosity, and to lay the ego number.
What you feel may or may not be reality, but you think that whatever you feel is reality; everything else is nonsense. What you feel is the outcome of circumstances, environments, your background, your pressures, your neurosis, your projection, your elementary thoughts, your projective thoughts, your imagination, your dreams, your compiled personality and your projected personality. All these things create for you an idea that you feel. The problem is that what you feel, I don’t feel. So there is a confrontation, a conflict.
You must communicate with your own soul. You must communicate with your own mind. And you must communicate with your own self. Your soul, your mind, and your self make you an identity, a psyche. You take a very long time to communicate what you really feel and what you are really saying. So what you do is create two domains—what you are saying and what you are feeling. There is a tremendous amount of stress which you cause by not communicating with yourself. Therefore, try to establish a relationship between you and your self.
When you speak unconsciously, you represent your emotions, your feelings, your neuroses, your handicaps, your shortcomings, and your insecurities. When you speak subconsciously, you are a con-person, you are a thief, you are a cheat, you manipulate, you are dishonest. All you want is to win the moment or impress the moment. Such people are never true to a bigger picture; they are never real in their lives. When you speak consciously, that which you speak about happens. When you speak super-consciously from the supreme self of you, that becomes the guiding line for the Universe. Then the akashic record has to move with that angle.
No Negativity
Generally when you talk to one another you get upset, you get mad, you get sick mentally and abandon your own real identity. You say things to hurt others. Remember, one wrong word said lives forever, on the Earth and in the heavens. There’s no way you can get out of it. So speaking is not just for expression; speaking is not just a communication. It is a tool, it is a weapon which cuts the lip forever.
The art of communication is simple and it must flow from you. Neither react nor act negatively in communication. It is very dangerous. There’s no solution to it. It will take away all your merits. It will leave you hollow, shallow, in pain. That is the power of the negative bani. Therefore, under no circumstances are you required to speak negative language, and you must not communicate in a way which will be offensive. Neither should you speak in a way which should be just buttering. Speaking should be neither overdoing nor under-doing nor super-positive nor super-negative. Speaking should be straight because between two lines, the direct route is the shortest.
Talking, communicating, speaking, writing is all good. But when adversity hits, communication will break. Never break the communication, neither with an enemy nor with a friend. Keep communicating. That’s what God does. Communication is just vibration. Keep vibrating. But be positive. Never listen to negativity.
A conscious person talks with absolute dignity and absolute faith. Never ever, never ever say things against any human form even unconsciously, because that is a slander of the divine, against what God manufactured.
Establish Mutuality
In every walk of life, in every aspect of life, harmonious communication can bring success out of failure. It can give you authority, it can expand your personality, it makes people trust you, it can give you the power to touch the very depth of another person. It can also make you feel comfortable with the world we live in.
Harmonious communication has nothing to do with what you feel, what you know, and what you want. In order to achieve harmonious and conscious communication, first you have to understand the other person. Then whatever knowledge you have about the other person and whatever knowledge you want to communicate with the other person has to be presented in a very loving manner and not with any intent or means to figure out any offensiveness.
Whenever you communicate to control or talk or introduce your motive or your legislation, or you want to be what you want to be, you are wasting your communication energy. People want to talk, but they don’t want to talk about that which is not of mutual interest to both parties. They don’t want to talk about that which does not bring mutual trust, or is not of mutual benefit.
People who are aware of how to communicate are either saints or they are those who have good in their hearts for others because they talk with compassion. Otherwise you talk only with a passion. If you talk with a passion, you are trying to make a point. You don’t care hell or heaven what the other person’s point may be. Normally when you talk, you want to talk to win. It is called “talk to conquer.” Most people do not talk to establish a relationship. If you talk to establish a relationship, then you have to always have the concentration of how the other man or woman feels, what they are doing, where they are at.
There are three ways to speak to someone. One is to create dialogue, one is to speak, and one is to talk. Talking is painful, like the conqueror and conquered communicating. Speaking is just understandable. Dialogue is beautiful and is desirable. Very few people can create dialogue, or intercourse, where two people talk in the same frequency, at the same moment, with the same passion, same compassion, same individuality and identity. Harmonious communication happens where there is oneness between the spheres of intelligence and consciousness, where hearts and heads meet.
Communication is a science and an art. Speak and answer if it boils down to that. But normally two people should just communicate by their presence. When presence doesn’t work, communication is a last resort to bring peace. Spirituality belongs to those who understand the science of anaadee naad, unknown sound. If a person speaks a language which is effectively positive and has perfected one or two words only, that is enough for effective communication.
Pinkie Finger Technique to Carry the Day
If you do not know how to communicate something that is bothering you, and you have to go to a meeting to talk. Sit down at a table and press this finger. (The pad of the thumb presses down on the nail of the pinkie finger.) Underneath the table; nobody will ever see. Just press your little finger for about a minute. And then touch it. (The tip of the thumb touches the tip of the baby finger.) Your entire sense of communication shall come on your command. You don’t have to have an initiation, you don’t have to belong to anybody, and you will carry the day. When your ego finger will press on the mercury finger, it is just telling the horse, “Let us gallop.” It is a totally physiological situation. There’s no reason that your communication should not carry the day.
©The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan
From The Aquarian Teacher: Conscious Communication. KRI International Teacher Training in Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan. Level 2 Transformation Practitioner. Kundalini Research Institute. 2006.